1.5 Years

Not sleepy, mom!

Happy 18th months my lil' ray of sunshine.

Have I really been a mom for that long? It feels like longer.  I was so uncertain in the beginning, seeking parenting knowledge from books, online forums and family. Worrying about whether he was getting enough nutrition, if he was growing well. Wondering if my parenting skills are up to the task of raising another human being (my previous experience being limited to four-legged furry companions, big and small. Mostly small). Feeling like every little thing I did affected his mental and physical development and putting pressure on myself to keep him stimulated because I thought if I didn't he would have remained a helpless screaming blob forever (which I now know is totally not true).

Now we've got a routine going that seems to work. I've come to terms with him needing less sleep than other kids, he's already down to 1 nap a day and if I'm lucky he'll sleep for 90 minutes. Mostly he just sleeps for an hour and is up and raring to go until bedtime which is 6pm (thank goodness). I'm still learning about his personality and figuring out how to deal with a toddler who understands so much but still isn't verbal enough to string a sentence together. Constantly reminding myself to trust in baby E's abilities and stop worrying about his food and milk intake. Some days he just can't get enough to eat and some days he's just 'Meh, not really interested today, mom.' His pediatrician assures me that baby E is growing just fine and developing normally.

Baby E now knows a few words but sometimes just grunts and points and expects the correct response from me. It's like having a pop quiz in school and if I get the answer wrong he has a mini-meltdown. Really keeps me on my toes.

We love you baby E, lots and lots!

Breastfeeding at 18 months

This is a follow-up to my initial post on breastfeeding baby E which can be found here.

It's a couple days away from baby E's 18th month of being breastfed. I'm really excited and grateful that we've managed to come this far. Our breastfeeding journey has not been without it's challenges and I'm writing about them on this blog before the memories fade and my brain retreats into lala-land making me think that it was smooth sailing from Day 1.

Which it wasn't, it wasn't smooth sailing at all.

Reading the KellyMom website helped maintain my sanity in the initial few weeks when nothing seemed to be going the way it was supposed to.

I do have to say I am eternally grateful to my mother-in-law who cooked yummy confinement food which helped keep my strength up. And I am also thankful to the ENT my mother-in-law visited to get treatment for her persistent cough because he told her that cow's milk causes lots of problems, not just in adults but also babies and that she should encourage me to breastfeed baby E for as long as possible. I could feel her being supportive with all the fish & papaya soup she made during my confinement month.

However, note to those who are living or tending to a brand new mother in confinement - even a passing remark on how the baby's looking can cause great mental anguish to her! My mother-in-law kept commenting on how baby E seemed to be losing weight every now and again during that first month and on top of his constant crying / yelling and non-sleeping I had a mental breakdown and the hubby came home to find me crying my eyes out after she had passed that comment for the umpteenth time.

However, I'm happy to say that we made it though those challenges and baby E has been on breastmilk ever since. He's recently started asking to drink cow's milk which he seems to like and it hasn't affected his nursing. I drink LOTS of cow's milk in my morning coffee (it's more like coffee-flavoured milk at this point) and my observant lil' guy wanted to have some too.

From this...

To this!

I'm glad we made it this far and I'm looking forward to following baby E's lead on weaning off the boob. He's older now and understands when I ask him to 'wait' if I'm finishing up a task and he'll nurse after so we've got a good system going. He's got 10 teeth in but no biting yet (knock on wood!).

We're still co-sleeping and baby E nurses a few times at night, mostly without waking up and I'm vaguely aware that he's latched himself on and he rolls away when done so I don't squish him.

Last but not least, I have to say kudos to daddy E for being so supportive of us breastfeeding and co-sleeping. Because baby E kicks him mercilessly at night. We love you daddy E!

Great Expectations

I've been writing this post for over a week now, but with baby E going through a developmental spurt with early mornings (4am!) and quickie naps (30mins once a day!), I've not been able to write much. But I guess it's fitting that I finally get to finish and publish this post on Mother's Day. Because this post is all about me figuring out motherhood.

Before having baby E, I knew motherhood would be tough. I knew children tend to wake up at the crack of dawn, that they have boundless energy and hate taking naps or going to bed. After having baby E, I realised that all I knew about children and motherhood was shaped by storybooks and popular media like TV and magazines. 

Happy smiling baby! 80% of the time.

I figured that babies would only cry if they are hungry / thirsty, need a change of diaper or if it was too hot / cold. Okay, these are things that I can easily fix and then the baby would stop crying right?

Turning into the hulk. 20% of the time.

How wrong I was. It took a lot of crying (by both myself and baby E), research and willpower (to fend off unwanted / useless advice from well-meaning relatives) to understand that babies have feelings and emotions too and that they can cry when tired, or upset or just because they need someone to hold and comfort them. The hardest thing was learning to listen to my instincts as a mother and respond to baby E the best way I knew how.

So motherhood is not just about keeping a baby / child clean, dry and well-fed. It's also about being emotionally supportive and giving your child the understanding and respect that another living being deserves. It's also about having confidence in your abilities as a mother to listen and tend to your child in a way that you feel is right.

I hope that I'm doing the right thing by baby E, because motherhood doesn't just fit neatly into a box which makes everything outside that box the wrong thing to do. What works for one family may not work for another and what worked for my own mother may not work for baby E.

Thinking face...

Happy Mother's Day!

5am Comes Pretty Early

Can't sleep anymore, mum

This is what baby E looks like at 5am in the morning, tired but not able to sleep. I'm not sure what affects his wake-up time because he goes to bed at the same time every evening, give or take 10 minutes (sometimes up to 30 minutes).

I've tried making his bedtime later, doing more activities with him during the day to tire him out, adjusting the a/c colder / warmer, dressing him in long sleeves, short sleeves and a bunch of other things but they don't seem to affect his wake-up time. So most of the time he wakes up around 6:30am, sometimes 5am and sometimes 7am.  Usually he's content to nurse in the morning and roll around the bed until I wake up, but sometimes he wakes up and is ready to go immediately. These are the mornings that I dread, I'm absolutely NOT a morning person and I need lots of sleep (LOTS of sleep).

So when baby E wakes up at 5am, I change his overnight diaper then put his Mother Goose DVD on and let him watch until I'm awake enough to start the day with him. Before having kids, I SWORE up and down that I would not let my children watch TV before they turn 2 years old. I guess I have to eat my words now because if I didn't have Mother Goose to distract him in the morning, I'd be a complete wreck.

The hardest things about motherhood so far? Sleep deprivation. I am looking forward to the day when baby E is old enough to wake up, wash up and feed himself independently, that's my light at the end of the motherhood tunnel.